So I have just spent the last two days shopping and I have come to realise just how much chocolate I actually cant eat. Usually if I was out and I wanted something to drink I would have gotten a chocolate thickshake or some other kind of chocolatey-milky drink. When I was shopping on Friday, I went past Gloria Jeans and got a mango fruit chiller because that was one of the very few cold drinks I could actually get from there unless I went to Boost Juice which was down the other end of the shopping centre. And then getting something to eat, I would have usually gotten something with chocolate in it again. This time I only got a cinnamon donut.This wasnt a bad thing, dont get me wrong about that. Cinnamon donuts taste sooooooooooo good. I had forgotten how much I love them.
Its really been an eye opener these last few days. I think its actually finally sinking in that I cant have chocolate for a whole year. A whole year!!! Its only been 20 days and already Im finding it really difficult. I know people keep saying 'oh it will get easier' and 'eventually you wont even miss it' and I know they are probably true, very true. But I cant help but think, why cant it just either be easier now or jst be over already?? It would make my life a little less...oh I dont know. I want to say stressful but its not stressing me out. I want to say happier but Im not sad without chocolate. I want to say annoying but that doesnt seen quite right either. Oh I really dont know what Im trying to say.
I guess what this blog is about is that it actually is harder than I thought. Its like losing a best friend. At first you really miss them and everything seems horrible without them. You then begin to find substitutes for them and you tell yourself 'Oh, its not really that bad'. Then reality sinks in. You realise nothing you substitute in is ever going to take their place. You just have to live without them and that the world's still spinning and you're still living. You still have the memories and there is now room for even more to be made. I know that giving up chocolate and losing a best friend are two very different things, but it is something that can be related to any loss. I am starting to see that this sacrifice of mine is impacting other areas of my life and that God is using this to teach me and help me grow in my understanding of the world.
Wow. I honestly did not expect any of that to come out. That just goes to show that this is a learning experience for me and that through my insane idea to give up chocolate for a year, I will grow more and more and Im sure I will come to know more about me and just exactly what I can do. I certainly hope that my analogy above helps you understand a little of what Im going through, even if it does seem a little dramatic. But hey, it is me telling this story. Of course its going to be dramatic. Thats just who I am, thats just the way my God made me, and I love it!!
blog again soon friends...
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